Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget, I will not forget you!
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.
~Isaiah 49:1,6,15
This verse is dear to my heart not only because my mother left when I was two but also...
I don't remember much about my dad when I was little because he was away a lot of the time delivering semi- trailer loads of construction materials. He had his own beautiful dark green truck that sparkled so pretty from the new metallic paint on it. It had a sleeping compartment right behind the front seats. That's because my dad's trips were long and far so when he needed to rest he would just pull over and crawl into that bed until he was rested enough to continue the long drives.
Besides his truck, I do remember that my dad was nice to me when he was around. He was my hero and I loved him so! When I was in kindergarten, a boy from my class called my house twice in one day to talk to me on the phone, te he....my dad didn't like that! He told me to tell that boy to stop calling me and that I couldn't be friends with him anymore. My dad was the only one good enough for his little girl, at the time. So I did just what my dad told me too and I didn't be friends with that little boy anymore. :( I was a daddy's girl!
That little girl got lost forever in the shuffle of divorce, and moving to another state, and the monster that was rapidly growing inside of my dad everyday. The monster's name...alcoholism. Like I've said in previous posts, "they don't call alcohol "spirits" for nothing! He was and is to this day full of those demons that entered him through the gate of beer and whisky. It makes me sad what they do to him! :( God's going to save him though, it might be my dad's last day on earth but I believe God is going to save him! He's a good God like that I hope you know!!
Kindergarten was my last tender vision of being a daddy's girl. When I was 14 my step-mom made it a point to tell me that my dad didn't even bother to look for me when I ran away and was missing for 3 weeks. A girlfriend and I hitchhiked from Bend, OR to Ontario, CA when I was a brand new freshman in high school. Clearly God was with me cause I'm still alive to tell you about it!! And I will... another time.
When I was 21, after having a few drinks at a bar with my dad, I mustered up the courage to tell him that his best friend molested/raped me from dark until sunrise one night when I was 13 years old. I guess he didn't believe me even after I reasoned with him, "dad, why would I make up a story like that now," because the next day he told me he was planning to go on a trip to Australia with this guy he called his "best friend"! Shouldn't a father be angry after hearing someone violated their daughter like that, especially when it was their best friend!?! I lived with this in my heart for many years but I have to add that I think my dad believes me now, praise the Lord!
I could go on and on about my relationship with my dad and all the pain he has caused my heart, but I love him and I know he did the best he could to make sure I was taken care of. I also know that those alcohol demons were using him to try to destroy me. They did a good job, but God's Love has done a better job, and now I know He has such a better plan for me! My heavenly Father is my true eternal Father and He has spent the last 4 years taking me back to all those wounded places in my heart and showing me He was there, He was wounded over the things and people who hurt me too, and He has healed me at every stop. God has taken my shattered heart and made it whole and brand new!
Even though people treat us badly sometimes, that does not mean that God is happy about it, and that is definitely not the way He treats us. It's the easiest thing in the world to blame God for our problems and the evil in the world. How our parents treat us is how we perceive God treats us. I did that for years! I am a work in progress and I still have insecurities, but what I'm learning about the true nature of God is so wonderful and so refreshing that it's been worth it all! God was so worth waiting for, even though it is He who was really waiting for me to be ready for Him!
God wants you to know, He Loves you right were you are. He can, I speak from experience, heal all your hurts and give you joy and peace like you've never experienced apart from Him, all you have to do is ask. God's Love is the best thing that's ever happened to me and everyday with Him just gets better and better!!!
How much more the Love of my eternal Heavenly Father means to me because of my experiences with my dad, and I'm so grateful He left all those places empty in my heart just for Him, I wouldn't want it any other way! I'm a grateful, grateful child and there is no one else I'd rather be than me, otherwise I wouldn't have this relationship with Him. I will forever be a Daddy's girl with God as my Father!! :) I'm so rich in the only things that matter!!!
So big and so beautiful, filled with mercy and grace, wounds so deep for the love of you and of me, so strong and yet so gentle at times you don't even know it's touching you, always ready to help us when we call, always wanting to lift us up when we fall, the beautiful Hand of God.
~Holy Spirit
~Lori
Dear Heavenly Father, please bless everyone who reads this post with a revelation of Your perfect Love for them and heal all their heart wounds in Jesus precious Name Amen!
I will never be the same because of the Love of God!
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